coward and irresponsible. these are the words that really reflects him.

met darling girlfriend to chill out yesterday, we stopped at the singpore river side opposite fullerton hotel. the same spot where joseph and i once shared memories. i told her about our past. indeed the memories were still very fresh. as thou i've unlocked them from my heart. its just a small corner which i hid secrets.

indeed, if you have saw it in another person's point of view it would have been very sweet. i found it stupid and silly crying after the break up. which at a point of time affected my studies. and i regreted it very very much. i mean, i believe Daddy must have sent him into my life for some reason.and im trying to figure out why. and why did he leave in such a way?

as i was on my way to meet lionel, i realised.. i needed someone to share my sadness and joy. it might seems like im seeking for love. but im waiting for that somebody Daddy has promised me. Daddy made adam and eve. i thought over it.. every men or women needs a partner. Daddy dint create man or woman alone. he wants companionship for me.

on my way back home, i messaged joseph and asked if he's asleep yet. what a fast reply! he wasnt asleep yet. so i carried on with my 2nd text saying, "i think the cool of period is over, can you honestly tell me why you left that time?" HAA.. there wasnt any reply at all!

i mean, my side of story was.. the people was with me during this period and i had a hard time crying to my beloved pooh bolster and acting cool like nothing has happened before. acting strong like i always do and innerly, im really not. i just wanna be fair to you and hear your side of story and maybe i HOPE i've misunderstood you.

these i've confirm, he's really a real coward. was it really that difficult to let the truth to be told? moreover, we're not speaking anymore and we're not even seeing each other.

MR JOSEPH ONG SHEN CAI, I AM TRULY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. AND YOU HAVE PROVE ME RIGHT.

thanks anyway. i've seen your true colours.

and im really sick of acting strong. although i was trained to shed blood but not tears, im really sick of it. i need someone to rely on. i just hope that there's someone to pick me up for work, dinner together and of cause laughters.

girlfriend said i've change, i've became more mature. i hope i'll grow more of inner beauty, more gracious and more forgiving.

i've watched SPOP that day and i took part on this personality test too. it was about entering a forest, what animal would you see? as you walk deeper into the forest which animal did you see again? and as you leave, you turned back and see.. which animal did you see again?

1. lion <- this reflect on what you think you are.
2. lamb <- people sees you as this animal.
3. eagle <- this is really what you are.

it calms my heart when i have Daddy's love and im soring like a eagle. nothing can pull me down and it doesnt take great effort to flap my wings. cause i just need to open up my wings and glide thru the horizon. this is indeed the Christian's life Daddy lay down for me.