life is tough.

2 more days till month ends. Daddy God, where's your promise?

I had the same emotions when i dint manage to do my flash test last yr. which i broke into silent tears. it happened today. I felt so so depressed which i couldn't relate to anyone at work. that's the worst feeling ever.

i decided to flip to my Daddy's word for answer.
He showed me Matthew 7:7

King James Bible
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

Have i not been asking or seeking?

at this point of time, i really felt like giving up. i was glad when Joseph sms-ed me those encouraging sms. that was when my heart was touched. Im getting tired, really exhausted. im not sure if i can walk on with such a depressed and heavy spirit.

I need a drink soon.

John 14:27
27Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you… Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

hmm.. this was in daily devotional a few days back. let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. I was attending itecg last week and somehow i felt that im being forced to move on. Yes, i thought i was ready to move on. but the actual fact was im not ready at all. Getting into a new cg is like getting everything started all over again. make new friends, adapt into the new kind of environment that i'll be in. True adulthood.

I've joined them for service for the very first time yesterday. i felt so out of place, maybe it just takes time. Daddy God, im gonna put my faith in you that whatever the outcome is, it's just gonna be GOOD in your name.

on sat, when pastor ben was preaching.. the word "bond" came and stirred my mind. everytime when there's a BOND, it bound to have a BONDAGE. Which is what im feeling right now. there's a trap unseen, but you know there's one. the feeling is horrible cos it felt like as thou you're trapped.

But i guess, the holy spirit revealed somethings to me. If it's a bondage, Jesus Christ has bored it all. it may seem like a bondage in papers(black & white), but He'll always be with me although i've made mistakes. HE'LL ALWAYS SEE IT THROUGH, BECAUSE HE'LL NEVER FORSAKE ME AND HE LOVES ME SO MUCH!

the phrase, "bondage to fear" just came into my mind. when i was typing "fear" i mistype "f" as "d". i had a new revelation. HE DOES'NT WANT US TO FEAR HIM BECAUSE WE'RE SO DEAR TO HIM.

Im getting SO TIRED.

SO PHYSICALLY TIRED. negative thoughts has been running across our minds i guess. I thought i was the only one that felt so tired. Well, i guess.. its time to depend on the Lord. I've been thinking back on how i portrayed myself during work. I tend to be too high and maybe that's why im depleted so quickly. Deep under, im such a quiet person.

Sales is just a figure of numbers. And yet, so much important than any other stuffs. Stress is always about the figures if you've broke your ZERO or is it increasing? Lord, you said im your witness of your greatness. You've did it last month, where's this month's?

I have no idea why, but the lyrics of "Still" came into my mind. Maybe this is what he is speaking to me. im like in the midst of a storm. Maybe i shall learn from peter to look at Jesus and have the confident to walk on waters. or maybe soar over the storms when i see Jesus.

when the ocean rise and thunder roar,
i will soar with you above the storm,
father you are king over the flood,
i will be still and know you are God.

currently hooked on EAGLE'S WINGS.

Eagles Wings Lyrics

Words and Music by Reuben Morgan

Here I am waiting
Abide in me I pray
Here I am longing
For You
Hide me in Your love
Bring me to my knees
May I know Jesus
More and more

Come live in me
All my life
Take over
Come breathe in me
I will rise
On eagle's wings


Cos im able to play it on guitar!! ((: i haven't been updating much. This month was really bad. Sales was HORRIBLE!! im still STUCK at ZERO! DADDY, where are your promises? I just wish that the lyrics can stay in my heart and speak to me.

i know you're gonna uplift me no matter what happens. (: met ex-cg for dinner today. Joseph was thinking of a christian name for one of the sister. I was suggesting Hannah. I dint know Hannah's story in the bible until he flipped it and explained.

currently having another eye-candy. *winks

Attend my first YSWA service today. Indeed, the holy spirit has been speaking all these while but i dint get a affirmation until i heard the word preached today. FAITHFULNESS. In order to see fruitfulness in life, there has to be faithfulness involved.

At this one point of time, i really felt like breaking the bond and seek the Lord. But, the holy spirit kept dropping the word faithfulness into my heart. After today's service i understood this. In order to see God manifest in my life in this profession, FIRSTLY.. i have to be FAITHFUL in this company in order to see his hands doing mighty wonders.

The path of the righteous shall shine brighter and brighter.

I hope what i've shared about Dreams during last night's CG God will fulfill it and even more abundantly. And some personal stuffs that i dint share and i've been seeking for, I know you will work forth for my good. The best shall come! (:

My very last CG with ITECG.

although only a handful turned up, it was really anointed. I was a little disappointed of the bonding of the whole CG. until today, 7 months has passed. Touch your heart and answer, did you really consider yourself as apart of ITECG?

Today's message was short and simple. Everyone's heart was open to receive. Although it is my last CG with them, i don't know why im feeling this way. I wanna see them BUILD UP each other like today. Joseph did a very good job today. (: or rather, the leading of the holy spirit that lead us to the holy of hollies.

Joseph shared about this. when you closed your eyes, all you have is only Trust/Fear. When the devil put voices into your mind he creates Fear. But Daddy is all along behind you READY to catch you any moment you fall. When you finally are willing to trust God and "fall", you're actually leaning against him because he's so near! when you're leaning on him, it's a picture of REST. When you have God as your support, who can be against you?? AMEN?

I really wish to see this bunch of people shine gloriously and glorify Jesus' work. Faithful people. Joseph said it's time to let me go, Daddy will get me back to serve when the time is right. YSWA, here i come. receive me!

CASTING CROWNS- WHO AM I

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours